I’m Late… 6 Days.

My period is 6 days late. My period has been late before. In fact, my period is late on a regular basis because my Doctor is a dickhead and doesn’t listen to a single word I say. I have been a long term insomniac for about ten years. In fact, I’ve never been a very good sleeper, even since birth or so my Mama Bear says. Add to that a recent, unexplained weight loss of five dress sizes in less than a year, my period coming and going whenever it feels like it, severe cramps liked I’ve never experienced before, and headaches that I think could almost be migraines for the first time in my life, and he’s still not doing anything to help me. Prick. 

I did have blood tests recently to see if there were any underlying medical issues to explain my fast and incredible weight loss but thankfully, there’s nothing wrong with me. I’m just lucky I guess. 

Anyway, back to the topic in hand and my period is six days late. Now, I wouldn’t normally be overly concerned. I’d give it another day, do a pregnancy test at exactly one week late, find its negative and come on my period a couple of hours later. Trust me; that’s my pattern. This happens at least six times per year. The pregnancy test companies make a small fortune out of me. Assholes. 

I’m concerned this time because when Jock and I celebrated Valentine’s Day late, I forgot to take my pill to his. It was for three or four days, and according to the app on my phone, it was at my most fertile point of the month. Thanks for reminding me of that fact. So, I forgot to take my pill, we had fast and furious sex for a couple of days, and it just happened to be at that vital part of the month where my egg is making it’s way through my body where his little swimmers are now conveniently waiting. Well done. 

I’m not really that worried. I’ve never been great with my pill. I have a big issue taking pills, I can’t seem to swallow them. The pill I take is ridiculously tiny but because it is sugar-coated, it gets stuck in my throat and then makes me wretch for half an hour. I’ve probably missed a million pills in my time because I wretched it back up. For the most part, I’ve been very lucky not to have a hundred kids crawling around me. 

Things have changed with me recently though. The baby topic keeps popping up, especially at random points throughout the blog. It’s not something I’m completely adverse to anymore. Once upon a time, finding out I was pregnant would have been the worst thing to ever happen to me. now… I’m not so sure. 

My body has changed recently. The pill I’ve been fine with since I was 14 years old has suddenly started not to agree with me. Then there’s the weight loss. Chronic insomnia is happening more often than it used to, and I’ve definitely been more under the weather of late. And I’ve suddenly started liking salad! I never used to eat salad! 

Is this it? Is my biological clock starting to work its magic and get my body ready for possibly carrying a child? Nothing else seems to be able to explain all the weird stuff that’s been happening to me recently, both in my head and physically with my body. Is this my body’s way of telling me I’m ready? I’ve always thought those “signs” that tell you you’re ready would be all mental or emotional ones. Could it be that our body gives us actual, physical signs? You are now ready to have a baby?

Of course, it could all just be complete coincidence. I have been working a lot recently, and I’m walking to work more often than I usually do… normally because I’m running late and the public transport where I live is shocking. I’m not sleeping well but that’s possibly because my appetite isn’t great, I’m writing a lot around working a lot, I’ve recently moved house (yes, I finally got there!), and Jock and I have being having quite a lot of sex. 

I could head to the local shop, grab myself a pregnancy test right now, pee on the stick and get it over with. At least then I’d know. Part of me doesn’t want to know though. Part of me thinks I might even be a tad disappointed if I wasn’t pregnant. I’m going to be 28 this year. It’s something I’m probably going to need to start thinking about in the near future anyway. I definitely don’t want to be an “older mama”. I’m not too sure what age would be considered as my “older” bracket… 30? 32? 35? I don’t know… 

I’ve got cramps and my pelvis hurts. It could be that my worrying is delaying my period but I distinctly remember my Work Colleague saying that she had pelvis pain and cramps all through the first three months of her pregnancy. See… now I’m just reading too much into it. However… two nights ago, I was out in the kitchen and I almost passed out. My eyesight went, my skin went clammy but I was freezing cold and shaking, I couldn’t focus on anything and my legs gave way. I put it down to not sleeping and probably not eating right too, and went to bed for a while. 

I’ll give it until tomorrow. If I haven’t started my period by then, I’ll buy the damn test. I honestly have no idea what I’d do. It’s not the right time for me to have a baby. I’m planning on quitting my day job this year to become a full time writer. Jock is in danger of losing his license AND his job. Long story. I’ll go into it another day. He lives in a trailer. I have literally just moved into a house share. It’s hardly the ideal time, is it? 

But could I be ready?